The Elf, The Bunny & The Big Xmas Blowup - Scene 5
In honor of the holidays I’m going to post my play The Elf, The Bunny & The Big Xmas Blowup scene by scene, a couple new scenes every day right up until Christmas for your reading pleasure. Hope you dig it. For information and character breakdown on the play, go here.
Scene 5
(COMMERCIAL FADE IN
SANTA is in his rocking chair, head in hands.)
SANTA: Oh, ah, oh no, oh dear. Oh dear me.
MRS. CLAUS comes to him.
MRS. CLAUS: What’s wrong honey?
SANTA: I have a splitting migraine and it couldn’t have happened at a worst time. It’s Christmas Eve, the sleigh is only halfway loaded with toys and I haven’t even fed the reindeer yet! The boys and girls are counting on me, what ever am I going to do?
MRS. CLAUS: Do what I do, my little sweet patootie! Take an Advil AD, it’s the only headache time-release pain-reliever powerful enough to deal with migraine pain and not inhibit your ability to operate heavy machinery!
ANNOUNCER: (speaking fast, voice-over) Advil AD, the official pain-reliever of the Christmas season!
SANTA: Mrs. Claus, you’ve saved Christmas!
MRS. CLAUS: Well then, since I’ve been a good girl, I expect something special in my stocking this year.
SANTA: I think there’s something special in your stocking already!
MRS. CLAUS: Oh stop it, you naughty boy!
ANNOUNCER: (speaking very fast, voice-over) Advil AD can cause side effects with a small number of the general population. Some of the side effects are dizziness, diarrhea, nausea, jaundice, high fever, chills, vomiting, high blood pressure, constipation, partial paralysis in the feet or fingers, temporary blindness, feelings of euphoria, visions of heaven or hallucinations of God the Almighty, bloody bowel movements and occasional flights into schizophrenia. Should not be taken in conjunction with alcohol, steamed broccoli or Mountain Dew soda out of a can. Not recommended for children under nine, children over twelve but under sixteen, Women that are pregnant, women on birth control pills, men that have had a vasectomy or testicle cancer in the past three years, men that are uncircumcised, men with penises longer than eight inches or under three inches in length, person or persons living in the territory of Tahiti or the Virgin Islands, or anyone currently holding a position of authority in the House of Representatives.
SANTA: The holidays can be a headache, that’s why I need Advil AD!
MRS. CLAUS: Now with Viagra crystals!
FADE OUT