The Black Man
I post this excerpt from Spooge - The Sex & Love Monologues this fine morning in honor of my best friend, who co-wrote the speech with me . . . he is a friend in quality above and beyond the simple words below . . . but damn it, he’s funny as well as a great friend, so I honor him with humor . . .
The story goes, he heard I was doing another play and he wanted to be in it. I told him I didn’t think there was a part for him . . . he asked me what the play was, and I told him it was called Spooge - The Sex & Love Monologues and he goes “You’re writing a play about sex monologues and you don’t have a BLACK MAN in it? That ain’t right, you gotta have a BLACK MAN in it!”
I saw the logic in his argument and together we came up with the below.
A tall, handsome BLACK MAN grins the audience.
BLACK MAN
When it comes to women.
When it comes to love.
I gotta say -
I just love being a BLACK MAN
For some folks, okay, let’s just say it, for WHITE folks.
There’s this psychological mind fuck about BLACK MEN.
It’s there all the time.
White folks are haunted by BLACK MEN.
Because no matter who you are -
rich or poor,
handsome or homely,
male or female,
when you see me,
you’re thinking about my DICK.
God, I love being a BLACK MAN.
I mean let’s face it,
I didn’t invent the whole BLACK THANG,
I just live it.
I’m tall.
I’m dark.
I’m cool.
I can dance -
And I’m hung like a Clydesdale.
A few of the many reasons I love being a BLACK MAN.
Women, white women especially, come on to me all the time,
at the drop of a fucking hat, making perverted suggestions.
And it used to piss me off,
‘cause I thought,
they don’t see me, they just see DICK -
They just want the big DICK.
But I got over that.
‘Cause I figure all women could use a little color in their life now and then.
And a big dick is as good a place to start as any.
A BIG BLACK DICK.
Think about it, y’all.
If you take all the colors in the world and add them together, you know what you get?
You get black.
White is the absence of color.
Black is its total.
So you have to ask yourself.
How dull life, and love, would be for us all,
without a little color to spice things up . . .
I fucking love being a BLACK MAN.
Lights fade
For those that haven’t gotten to Still The Beaver or The Girl Next Door, check it out, and if you’d like to order a complete copy of the play, it’s available here
On a personal note to my best friend . . . thanks man . . .
July 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 am
Hey Josh,
Like the post. What about the black guy with a small one? Now that would suck. I’ve been doing Muay Thai on and off for the past three years. I love it, but the bones are less forgiving now that I’m nearing forty. I train at Master Toddy’s in Vegas. He’s doing a show called “Fight Girls” on the Oxygen network. Not very good though…don’t tell him I said that. I’m taking a Sabbatical next year to work on my first indie film and to write, write, write. Like you, writing is my favorite skill, but film is a very close second. Good luck and much success on your career.