The Elf, The Bunny & The Big Xmas Blow-up
A Full-Length Play
The Elf, The Bunny & The Big Xmas Blow-up is a wild satiric look about a disgruntled elf and an understudy reindeer determined to blow up Christmas. Only Wendi, a nine-year old girl and her friend the Easter Bunny can stop them from their diabolical plan as they travel down to the South Pole in pursuit.
Christmas. Christmas really chaps my ass.
- Santa Claus
- Santa the icon, the white beard, the rosy cheeks and red outfit, a jolly laugh, the works.
- Wendi is a nine-year old girl with wide-eyes and footy-pajamas.
- The Easter Bunny, first name Eldon. Has a slight substance problem with bunny pellets.
- Charlie the Christmas Elf
- A vertically-challenged elf with plenty of attitude and anger to spare.
- Hank the Understudy Reindeer
- A gentle Reindeer with soul who can still get worked up about the MAN.
- Mrs. Claus
- Not the first Mrs. Claus, not the second or the third, but the fourth Mrs. Claus and brother, is she stacked.
- A truck driver with a penchant for song.
- The South Pole Troll
- A horrible monster with a soft spot for trivia.
- Buddy Rogers
- Head of airline security in Texas, damn it.
- Antoine Arber
- A decrepit Hobo Holiday down on his luck.
- Store Owner
- Airline Rep
- Airline Manager
- Santa's Solid Gold Dancers
- Killer Attack Penquin
- Commercial Announcers
- Various Security Personnel and Extras
Actors can play multiple roles, in fact it only adds to the fun. Ethnicity in casting is absolutely encouraged.
Despite the presence of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, this is not a play for young children and neither should there be children in the play.
The TV commercials can be done live or shot and played back on a video screen, either way works, but I find that it's more interesting if we do not see Santa's true rotten soul until the very end of the play.
The Elf, The Bunny & The Big Xmas Blow-Up was originally produced at Manhattan Theatre Source in December of 2000, directed by Mitchell Riggs and in December 2002 and December 2004 by All You Can Eat Theatre Company, directed by Jamie Taylor.
Hello all you bad little boys, have you been naughty? I bet you have. You know, Santa isn't the only person at Christmas that lets you sit on his knee. My name is Mrs. Santa Claus, and I am sitting and waiting by the phone, waiting to talk to you, talk to you about anything, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you wish you could have for Christmas. Have you been bad? I bet you have! Only Mrs. Claus can make everything right again for you little sinners. I'll bend you over my knee and spank the dickens right out of you! Once the devil is out, well, we just won't let him back in. Call now at my special number, 1-900-IMA-BADBOY and let's let the holiday spirit warm our little britches, shall we? That's 1-900-IMA-BADBOY, 1-900-IMA-BADBOY, and don't forget, first time callers get a free copy of the Mrs. Claus Swimsuit calendar. Mmm, it is one Christmas treat you do not want to miss!