Daily Dojo

5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me . . .

Okay, here we go . . . Unk Done Tagged Me with this deal called a meme or something . . . I’m supposed to share with y’all five things you didn’t know about me . . . and I assume this doesn’t include the Trivia section I have already on my site . . .

So here we go - 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me . . .

1) I can, or at least, could, ride a unicycle.

Yep, my folks picked one up at a garage sale, bought it for me and I taught myself how to ride it. So it’s true, at one point in my life, back in my teens, I would ride a unicycle up and down my driveway.

Yes, that’s exactly how cool I was as a teenager, you gotta fuckin’ problem with that?

2) I’ve placed people under citizens’s arrest.

To make up for the nerd factor of number one, I dislike bullies intensely and used to make a point of doing something about it when something needed to be done . . . I got into the martial arts, judo and boxing back when I was younger because of that and made a point of not tolerating it.

I’m much calmer these days, seriously, but I used to be rather aggressive about it.

I’ve placed a couple people under citizen’s arrest while breaking up fights and the like, back in the Midwest, and in New York I threw a guy off a subway for harassing a lady, grabbed three or four muggers at various times and sat on them until cops came. I sat on two muggers on the upper west side, and one in Woodside. Couple others elsewhere.

The mugger in Woodside assaulted a pregnant lady in the drug store and she came running out after him and they ran right into me. Me and a couple other Irish guys I didn’t know just literally threw the mugger on the ground and I sat on him while ten more people called 911.

It took forever for the police to come.

The Fire Department got there before the police did, and we all sat around making wisecracks about cops while the guy I sat on cursed. The Fire Guys and I warned the pregnant lady that the cops were gonna try and talk her out of pressing charges, and that’s exactly what they tried to do. Every time I’ve stopped someone from mugging someone else, the cops tried to talk everyone involved out of pressing charges.

Of course, it has its risks and not just that I could get beat up, one time back in Nebraska at a party, a guy was tossing his girlfriend around and I intervened.

We fought, the place got wrecked and the abusive boyfriend ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes.

Now Nebraska is different than New York. In Nebraska, the police show up FAST. Saw me without a scratch on me and Mister I’m-so-butch-I-slap-my-girlfriend lying there bleeding all over the broken furniture. You think they’d believe me when I said he started it?

I very nearly ended up spending a few days in jail, as has this guy, and if not for some fast talking I probably would have.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not Bruce Lee or Matthew Bourne . . . add up all the tussles I’ve been in, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost more fights than I’ve won . . . by a wide margin. There are badder people out there, I’ve met them (and they ain’t all guys, either) and I’m not twenty-two anymore, either.

I don’t think I’m Dalton, but I like to think that we all have a responsibilty to protect each other . . . I’m proud of that.

3) I’ve seen REO SPEEDWAGON live in concert. Twice.

I don’t know if I’m proud of that one or not.

The nerd factor just got bumped back up and the stud factor went back down.

4) I did laboratory studies for money at Harris Labs in Lincoln, Nebraska, back in the day.

That’s right, I said it, I took part in EXPERIMENTS, I was a TEST SUBJECT (though as far as I know, it was all FDA-approved over-the-counter meds). We literally had to go and live in this lab for two or three weeks at a time, couldn’t go outside, had to stay on a strict diet while we took blood pressure meds and they regulated how it went through our bodies.

I did it for two reasons, one, it PAID extremely well.

And two, I wanted to get over my phobia of needles. Ever since I was a kid, I had this irrational fear of needles . . . it drove me nuts, I even once had a cavity drilled without being numbed simply because I preferred the pain over the needle . . . I got frustrated and broke and used the lab study as a way of killing two birds with one stone.

That did it. When you’re locked up in a lab and they’re taking blood every half-hour, and if you leave you lose like two thousand bucks, let me tell ya something . . . that’s one way to solve that phobia-problem real quick. I’m still not a fan of needles, understand, but I don’t fear them as I once did.

The non-FDA tests paid more, but I wasn’t THAT desperate.

As far as I know, other than the scars on the inside of my elbows from the blood tests (we got to know the phleblotomists really well, we knew which ones were good and which ones were going to stab the shit out of ya) I’ve had no lasting dain bramage from my particpation.

As far as I know.

Wait. What were we talking about again?

5) I worked as a direct-care worker for developmentally disabled adults.

You learn a lot about compassion and empathy when you clean up another being’s waste, simply because he or she isn’t physically able to do so themselves.

And by waste I don’t mean a wastebasket, I’m talking adult diapers.

It was a tough job, one of the toughest there is, but I’m glad that I had that experience, I really am. Brought me down to earth and reminded me of the bright fragility of life, not necessarily the clients or mine but everyone’s . . . shit, we’re all just one drunk driver away from ending up in a home or worse ourselves . . . life is fucking fragile and smelly and not at all like that shiny commericalized knicknack people are selling in their Mega-church MacJesus chains, I’ll tell you that much.

You learn a lot about yourself when you have to clean someone else’s shit, you absolutely do.

Okay . . . now I guess I’m supposed to tag five other lucky people . . . James, W scribe W, Laura, Ken and Ato.

Do it if ya want. Don’t do it if you don’t want to.

I’m cool either way.

Thanks Unk . . .

9 Responses to “ 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me . . .”

  1. Unk Says:

    “The nerd factor just got bumped up and the stud factor went back down.”

    Wow… Looks like outstanding QUOTE material to me… LOL.

    Thanks for playin’!

    Unk

  2. Joshua James Says:

    Unk, you ‘da man, you know that, right?

  3. Ann Wesley Hardin Says:

    Between you and Unk, I’m chokin’ on the testosterone fumes. Save me!

    Interesting tidbits, Josh!

  4. Joshua James Says:

    I am very sensitive . . . every time GOOD WILL HUNTING is on, I cry my ass off . . . and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS fucked me up . . . sniff . . . it’s true, I ain’t making it up.

  5. Ann Wesley Hardin Says:

    I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Guess I should’ve said I’m high on the testosterone fumes ;)

    But still, sensitive and studly. A powerful combo, Josh. Powerful I tell you.

  6. Joshua James Says:

    Powerful it may be, but my significant other doesn’t comprehend how it is that I am somehow incapable of washing any dish properly . . . anything I wash, for some reason, needs to be rewashed . . . she’s very disapointed with me in that regard . . .

  7. Unk Says:

    Which is why I eat out of my pots and pans.

    Unk

  8. Laura Says:

    Son of a biscuit, I forgot to do this!!! Sorry! I will get on it right now.

    Sheessh. Thanks for the reminder. Damn.

  9. Norbert Granberg Says:

    Its fantastic as your other blog posts : D, appreciate it for posting . “A single day is enough to make us a little larger.” by Paul Klee.

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